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[25 Sep 2009|08:15pm] |
You know there’s always a pesky question in the back of your head that trumps the others. Mine has always been, “Would your mother be proud of you?” Yes, she’s been dead for sometime now and it’s easier to say that statement and not burst into tears because time has allowed me to move on. Still, I care about what she thinks. She raised me one way and without her, I’ve gone off into my own path where hers ended. My dad is very important and continues to ‘raise’ me, but my relationship with him is completely different. We cannot relate as much as we can when there’s a gender difference and when he has completely different expectations.
I’ve become this sullen figure, this sarcastic bitch that I don’t recognize sometimes. Sometimes it’s easy to spew negativity and not have to deal with as many people, not have to please that many people. If I still impress some, then they’re worth it. I guess that might be the reason why I’m still boyfriend-less and more of a fuckable girl who doesn’t have to be dealt with on a normal basis. Then again I’m rarely ever that. I work, I work, and I work. The employers don’t know about that aspect. I come to work and I’m caring and considerate to the kids because that’s what is needed. I haven’t been fired for my personality or actions outside the home because I know how to separate those worlds. Being with those kids helps my sanity and yes, I become a better person.
I haven’t always been like that and I know I have my sweet, tender-y moments. The devil in me comes out and I test the waters, I try to see what I can do. If this is evolution of character, I can only hope its helping me out in the future.
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| IC contact | screened |
[24 Aug 2009|06:00pm] |
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